The Life of a Boy Who Just Stopped Trying

10:08PM - omfg...

What the fuck 500 days of summer, what the bleeding pile of fuck. I haven't been this dissapointed with an ending since the last book of the Otherland series, and even then it wasn't a keen kind of stab piercing your soul with a kidney stabber sort of disappointment (also, stop using kidney stabbers to stab souls, they are meant for kidneys). ANYHOW, you had it all right, everything all wonderful until the frigging LAST FIVE MINUTES. And then you were like, hey, how can I turn a fairly decent movie with a meaningful message into rotting poo. How can I do this really well? OH I KNOW I'LL JUST TOTALLY PISS AWAY MY ARTISTIC INTEGRITY. cool. Die in a ditch alone.

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10:44PM - Yes! (, you can get girls to sleep with you)

Okay, so as part of my career planning, it was suggested that I read some books on management. So I've been reading this book called 'Yes!'. It's about using principles of social psych to get people to do the stuff you want them to.

So I was thinking, can these really be applied to getting girls to sleep with you on your first date? I think, as you'll see from my discussion below, the answer is a resounding Yes!

So, first, there is a chapter in this book that talks about labeling. The idea is really simple. They had some researchers run a pre-election survey on some people. Then, half the sample were told they were "the sort of individuals who were likely to vote", and some were told that they were about average on whether it came to voting or not. The people who were told they were the voting type were 15% more likely to vote. Thus, by telling someone that they were something, it made them more likely to do that something. So, now, let's apply this to a hypothetical scenario where you want your date to sleep with you after the first date. Very simple my friends. Just tell the girl you're with after you've talked for a few minutes that you get the impression that she is "the sort of girl who sleeps with people after the first date". You'll be golden.

But, maybe you're just not *that* attractive and think it won't be enough. No problem, there is another chapter that can help you out here. So, apparently, people are much more likely to do stuff if they can relate to another person who was in the same situation as them. There was a test run where people were asked to recycle towels in a hotel. Two messages were used. One told the guests that recycling was good for the environment. One told them that the person who stayed in this room prior to them recycled his towels. The second message got an astounding 33% increase in towel recycling. So, okay, maybe the girl cutely laughed at your previous comment about the sort of person she is. At this point, you should invite her to your room, and when she's there, point out that the girl who was in here last night slept with you right after the first date. If she doesn't take off her clothing right there and then... well let's not go there.

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12:47PM - Things I'd do if I could travel back in time - Part 1

Be the first person to post 'first' as a reply to someone's post.

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10:39PM

Fuck fuck, I thought I was over this sort of shit. Mother fuck.

3:12AM

Today I decided to start from Bohr, and go backward in time on Wikipedia, with the only links I could click being the name of the scientist's doctoral advisors. The last person in the chain I found was some Lutheran born in the mid 17th century. All I can say was that man, for all the merits of wikipedia, that particular experiment was pretty Bohring.

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9:08PM - Cookie Contest Results

Fat Chocolate Chip Cookies

1. Tastes Better in Milk
2. Robert ate (2++)++
3. Yummy Yummy
4. Chocolate Chip Cookies
are so delicious that
they need no rhyme to
defend their most excelent
ways. Their consumption
is proof enough

Black Nutty Rollo Cookies

1. Fits Better in milk
2. Gooey Caramel
oozing from dark chocolate
Into a deep well

i.e. esophagus

3. A deep abyss
of caramel
flows through the river Styx
Young sinners see
the yellow goo
and to their face the sweetness sticks
SO when they reach the river's end
and weigh their souls upon the scale
the sticky goo makes sweetness=weight
and off to hell they hail

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11:38PM - Things that do not work well: Part 1

Installing Windows Vista using Wine on Ubuntu

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1:38PM - Dear Chinese Santa

Santa, I hear you are having a company wide submit a wish competition. One lucky person will get a wish fulfilled that costs OVER 9000 RMB. Now, I wish to be that lucky person. But, you see, there were these unfortunate rules regulating what we could wish for. I couldn't just wish for world peace, for no amount of RMB could achieve that. Nor could I wish for eternal happiness, for much the same reason, nor any of those others things that people generally want.

It is fortunate then, that I did not wish any of those things. What I wanted was an end to disease, an end to suffering, something to make people free from fear. But how could I ask for that? How could I translate that into something that the company could actually buy me? And then I had it. Then I knew. This would be it. So, dear Chinese Santa, I ask you to give this to me, not for myself, but for all the people I could help with it.



Love,
Leon

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3:22AM - I just watched the latest bond... and wish to share.

Okay, look guys. Bond movies are not hard to make right. I mean seriously. Take one attractive bond girl, add in some improbably small gadgets, introduce a bad ass evil bad guy (a commie, preferably Russian or Chinese or working for the commies) and his henchmen who have an improbably awesome plan to impose their vision of rightness over the world, offer them a sci-fish super gadget that would allow them to do this, and then have Bond come in, fuck up their plan, and sleep with the bond girl. What do Bond movies not have? ANGST. Angst belongs right here, in this miserable excuse for a livejournal, not in a frigging Bond movie. Also, lame 3rd grade political commenary fuck you! Furthermore, suck it edgy shitty directing... having a cut every second does not make you 'cool' and 'avant guarde'... it just makes you retarded.

( Below, under this cut, I will present a dramatic recreation of the conversation where the lame bad guy presents his evil plan for world domination... oh wait. )

Seriously, WHAT THE FUCK BOND.

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11:30PM

I signed someone's marriage certificate today as an ordained member of the clergy.  Thank you ULC.  That is all. 

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10:49AM - Only in China

(*)do people drag on their cigarette stylishly... as they are riding a roller coaster.
(*)guys and gals line up to get onto a water coaster ride amidst a 90+ degree day, only to buy a complete raincoat to make sure they don't get wet.
(*)do Buddhist monks living high up on inaccessible peaks happily slurp instant ramen
(*)do toothless mountain garbage collectors, in the middle of a sunny May day, sing "happy new years, we wish you a happy new years" hoping to earn a few extra RMB
(*)do high class restaurants (think $15+ a dish {in China, that's A LOT}) with hand and foot waiting service still manage to have a hole in the floor toilet with an unbearable smell
(*)can there be cheap Chinese knock off ice cream cones made to resemble the cheap Hong Kong knock offs of Nestle Drumsticks
(*)are half of the people you see on the street obviously coupley (holding hands, shoulders, etc) with 1/20 of those wearing matching t-shirts, shoes, caps, etc
(*)do people bring their own towels to any hotel, just because those towels are unclean, but have no problem with sleeping on provided sheets or wearing bathrobes
(*)is there a demand for blind people to become highly skilled and respected masseurs
(*)do people pay to go to a high class movie theaters where each person is provided a love seat... which fits exactly one person, and has a two foot space between it and the next
(*)do you go to Brazillian bbqs only to get some cumin covered camel skewers
(*)do hotels come standard with complimentary vibrating condoms
(*)do people gleefully use an instant messenger software that scans for trojans on boot, just because 20% of their 300+ million user base is infected at any one time (guess whose company makes this)
(*)do taxi drivers decide randomly you shouldn't go where you asked them to, and drop you off at another random place instead...
(*)could I have so much third world fun!

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12:28AM - Weird Things I've Eaten in China

Frog Hot Pot
Rice Skin Noodles
Stir fried horse in mint and basil
Deep Fried Duck bills
Minced rabbit with green peppers and spicy peppers
Stewed duck hotpot with fishballs and lamb
Duck's blood
...

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7:14PM - Guide to driving in China

-Turn lanes are better known as passing lanes.  If a car is actually turning, make sure to honk at it. 
-If a pedestrian is crossing the street, please make sure to accelerate, and honk a few times.  If there are several pedestrians, honk once for each guy that dives out of the way.
-Bikes make for great obstacle courses.  Do make sure that when you pass them, you do it as close as possible to them to make sure they know you're there.
-Pedestrian underpasses are only to be used if there are cars in the motor vehicle underpasses.  As these underpasses mostly contain pedestrians, do use your horn a lot. 
-If you plan to turn left within the next half a mile, it is perfectly okay to use the opposing traffic lane to pass cars who are not turning.  If there are any cars heading toward you, make sure to honk, there is a chance they might not see you.
-All cars are equipped with radar systems to detect how close you are to the car behind you when you're backing up.  When they start beeping faster to indicate that you're close, make sure to hit the gas one extra time!
-It is considered bad etiquette to talk on your cellphone while driving.  Texting is okay though. 
-Seatbelts make good back scratchers.  Make sure to to remain unbuckled as often as you can in case you get an itch.
-Construction zones are a great place to pass other cars.  When you see a closed off lane, hit the gas as fast as you can to make sure you're the first car in there. 
-Buses are annoying.  In passing them, it is permissible to go between lanes, as well as to use the shoulders and opposing traffic lanes.  To let them know how annoying they are, do honk at them and any other cars who haven't passed them yet.
-Having a foreigner in your car is the best time to show off, so use as many of the above guidelines as you can. 

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3:00AM - Want to see the lamest thing ever guys?

So I wrote this for our company magazine back in China.  It may be the lamest, most forced thing I've written in years, and for interests of preserving the utter retardation of it, I present it here in its complete form.  I encourage all disparaging comments below.  Oh, and what is even better is that it won't even be included cause the English on it is toooooo complicated... lol, irony.  

An Online Menagerie: Users, Developers and other Ilk

The Intern teems with all sorts of dangerous wildlife, a veritable cesspool of cliches and stereotypes. They roam the jungle, arguing, playing games with each other, and sometimes, in an incredibly colorful and fanciful display, even mating. I've spent the last 12 years with them, living like an animal, ferreting out their secrets and making maps of the jungle.

Below, I present a brief guide to the sorts of animals you will discover in the jungle, where you can find them, and the sorts of things you can use to capture their attention. Use this knowledge wisely, and you too can become an expert hunter!

1. GurlZ

Usually female, this animal spends the majority of her time whining about her emotional problems. Whether her parents are being mean to her by forcing her to do chores, or her boyfriend broke up with her, this creature will be all too happy to corner you and tell you all her problems. The natural habitat of this animal are blogging sites such as livejournal and myspace. Angsty teens are most interested in having a place to express themselves, and the ability to meet other animals to discuss their problems with. Usually bad at games, and often harassed by others, this animal just wants someone to pay attention to her.

2. BoyZ

While the name of this animal comes from the word 'boy', the specimen's actual age can range from 12 to 25. Usually male, this animal wants to establish his dominance over other animals and will do anything to prove he is better than others of his kind. Highly competitive, this animal will not hesitate to resort to insults and starts fights to prove his superiority. In video games, groups of these will band together into loose structures called Guilds or Clans, and do battle with opposing Guilds and Clans. While this animal will not contribute particularly to the jungle, he will spend endless hours there proving his prowess. Boyz are commonly found on gaming sites, as well as starting flame wars on forums, and can be identified by their habit of calling everyone else a “fag”.

3. Soccer Moms

The soccer mom is a particularly dangerous breed of animal, as she constantly thinks of ways to protect her offspring Some soccer moms have been known to be as young as 25, but usually, they are in their mid 30s. With nothing to do in their nests other than take care of their kids, this animal roams the jungle, ready to engage any other animals in long discussions of how to make things more safe. Their natural targets are BoyZ, the behavior of which they refuse to tolerate. Not particularly good at finding their way in the jungle, the Soccer Mom is highly susceptible to the advice of people she trusts to tell her where to go, and as such, Soccer Moms tend to group together with other soccer moms.

4. The Wannabe Hacker

This animal seems to think that they are the kings of the jungle because they've learned how to cut down a few trees and disrupt the habitats of others. Finding all the other animals in the jungle despicable, the Wannabe Hacker refuses to play their game and will most often try to destroy as much of the jungle as he can. The presence of a lot of Wannabe Hackers in your jungle is often a sign of trouble, and should be monitored carefully.

5. The Righteous Developer

This it the most rare breed of animal, and one that the whole jungle depends on. This animal makes sure that the jungle is running smoothly and provides the toys for all the rest of the animals to play with. Having passion for their environment, the Righteous Developer is commonly overworked and under appreciated by those surrounding them. Nonetheless, all the other animals, with the exclusion of Wannabe Hackers who think they are too good for everyone, respect the Righteous Developer, and depend on them for their survival. Righteous Developers are most commonly found in Shenzhen China, working away at making the jungle better, day after day. As hunters, we must be very careful with the Righteous Developers, offering them the respect they deserve, and not disturbing their patterns of production.

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By now, you are probably aware the jungle is a metaphor for an Internet service, that the hunters are product managers, and that the animals are other human beings who exist in our world. Despite the fanciful description I provided above, the fundamentals I've listed do apply, and knowing your target user, as well as the developers you would not be able to live without, is crucial to a successful service.

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12:03PM - I produced something...?

Guys, the game I spent the last many months working on designing and testing and etc, is now finally in its Beta period!  To check it out, go to www.qqgames.com to download our client (yes, it requires Windows and Aim6.x, I know, it sucks, bla bla) and then once you have the client, play Bubble Arena!!! 

You can give me feeback, but note, negative feedback will probably involve me coming over to your house late at night, with my bestest friend Mr Axe, and his cousin Monseiur Machette, so do be nice! 

xoxoxoxoxo

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12:53AM - Things... not ending?

Similarly to how I hate things ending, I also dislike things that don't have an ending.  To be specific, finishing part two of a three part novel where the third part does not exist, nor is likely to ever be published.  I think this has some sort of parallels to what I find unappealing in life, but at the moment I'm too lazy to try to come up with them. 

Anyhow, back to novels.  It's always weird how the little things upset me way more than the big ones.  Devaluation of the US dollars and collapse of the US economy?  meh.  Global warming, destruction of nature, etc?  also meh!   The fact that people in the US are functionally illiterate?  REALLY ANNOYING.  Previously, I used to think that the Harry Potter loving, Robert Jordan adoring kids were a step above the TV watching, gossip mag consumers.  Now, I kinda see them as part of the same endemic problem. 

It really seriously puzzles me why people won't read fantasy books that are less than 500 pages long, not part of a 5+ book series, or ones that don't rehash the same three fantasy stereotypes.  It's like, guys, can you believe that a writer can tell a fulfilling and compelling story without resorting to narratives that involve at least six different point of views and 100's of characters as a way to confuse people into believing she has something to say?  Is it remotely possible that a fantasy book that is not part of an epic series can be rewarding?  You know, for itself or something?  For that little ephemeral tragic beauty that doesn't take so long to develop that you lose sight of who any of the characters or their motivations (sorry Kate Eliott, but you know it's true.)  For that 50 page romance that... oh forget it. 

Moral of this entry being that I really kind of would like to spend a night cuddling with the third installment for the Sun-Cross series by Hambly and despair that this particular aspect of the scholar's mistress will grace my bed. 

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3:18AM - Finishing things and emptiness.

It somehow seems weird writing this entry, as in a way, it reminds me of what my journal used to be in 2001 when I first started.  Hell, maybe I wrote about this previously and just forgot, and if so, let's hope you forgot too. 

Anyhow, I always have this weird feeling when I finish something.  That something could range from a book, to a game, to a piece of visual media, to an event, and even, at an extreme, to a phase of my life.  But no matter what it was, if I was engaged in it, I feel utterly empty and drained when it ends.  It's almost as if there was a part of me that was tied up with that something, and now that the thing finished, that part of me also disappears. 

Of course, most things don't do this, which really, is for the best.  For books and games and anime I think it's related to me living vicariously.  I become so involved with the characters and in their joys and miseries that to some extent in my mind I become them.  And when their story end, the bond I've constructed snaps, and bam, emptiness.  For events and phases of life it's somewhat more difficult.  In this case, it probably has to do with the fact that the aforementioned becomes a discreet instance, separate from the rest of my life, and once again there is some sort of investment I have in the event continuing. 

I guess what really caused me to write this down is thinking about whether this is something that I welcome.  On one hand, I've always associated this feeling of emptiness with something I've strongly enjoyed (before it ended.)  At this point, with the whole relativism of aesthetic, the only way I can really tell whether something is actually meaningful is if I feel shitty and drained afterwards.  But on the other hand, man, do I feel really crappy when it's over.  I also sort of wonder if it's possible to find meaning in something and then not suffer posthumously.   Also, am I lame?

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2:25AM - I have a poncho made from one of these!

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11:43AM - Weight Blog Part Deux - Pre Turkey

Leon Kitain
Nov 22nd 2007
11.41am
135lb

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10:06PM - Hey Yall Big Birthday News (P.S. This entry brought to you by Chris, not Leon)

Guess who is having a big Birthday Bash... ME!!!! Its this Friday and I just want to give you guys a chance to get me some things I would truly like:

Pokemon cards
sailor moon stripper
a hat (green)
new friends
meteor garden box set and sound track!! (whoever gets me this is my top friend)
gummy bears ( I only like red no yellows!!)

Mostly I just want everyone to have a good time celebrating me!!! see ya all on Friday.

LION

EDIT: Note to self, log out of livejournal on Chris' computer.
EDIT 2: Guys, Chris' bday is dec 13th, and I think he just made us a list of what HE wants.

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